How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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