That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
