I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
wanna go halves on a baby?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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