I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
