I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
