if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
