Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
