i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
