Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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