We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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