i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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