Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
