dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
