I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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