Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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