Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
