there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
