Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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