I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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