then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
