Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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