Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
