I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
