some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
