Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
