You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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