tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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