Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
