Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
