the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
