You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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