so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
