I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
