One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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