I will die if light touches me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
