i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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