The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
