How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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