My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
