I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
