i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
