nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
