drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
