Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
