Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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