He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
