And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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