I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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