Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
