i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
