how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize