he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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