I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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