is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
