do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
