never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize