I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
