That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize