oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
