We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize