I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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