I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
