in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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