We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
