i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
