Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
