My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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