I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need help removing her.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize