Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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