Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Randomize
