Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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