Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
