Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
