Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
