I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Farmville is her only friend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
